For several years now I thought I had all this body stuff cracked. After over two decades of yo-yo dieting, I’d ditched the diets and stopped obsessing about weight loss. I could look in the mirror and appreciate my reflection. And I could be confident about sharing my body with my partner and enjoying a good sex life.
But, despite all the books I’d read and all the workshops and courses I’d attended, despite all the self-exploration and personal development I’d done, something still wasn’t right.
I was still overeating or, to be more precise, I was still emotionally overeating.
I used to use dieting and body hatred as a way of punishing myself for my overeating. Then I learned to be compassionate and to understand that my overeating was a sign that something was upsetting me.
Now I had the knowledge, I had the understanding, and I had – outwardly – what I’d always wanted: I’d made peace with my body.
So what was wrong?
Quite simply: I wanted to stop “using” food to avoid my feelings.
But wanting it wasn’t enough. Having all the information and knowledge wasn’t enough. And telling myself “I should be able to by now” really wasn’t enough.
What I needed more than anything was to be willing.
Really, honestly, from-the-heart WILLING.
This has nothing to do with the ‘willpower’ of my dieting days – which always eventually ran out or gave up. It does have everything to do with using the power of my will.
And when I asked myself “am I willing to let go of my overeating?” I found some other questions:
“Am I willing to feel my emotions?” “Am I willing to eat according to my stomach hunger – not my emotional hunger?” “Am I willing to allow the possibility that my body might change?”
This was my answer: “Ehm…”
What? The answer should be easy! Yes, yes, yes! Why on earth wouldn’t I want things to change?
Because there is safety in familiarity.
Next I had to ask:
“Am I willing to let go of my resistance to change?”
That’s when the penny dropped. Underneath all my desires and dreams of a different way of being, I held onto a deeper-seated need for resistance. Until I could be willing to let go of that resistance, nothing really changed.
When you think about loving your body – just as it is, when you imagine feeling uninhibited and delighting in sharing your body with a partner – just as it is, I want you to stop for a moment and ask yourself “am I willing for this to be my reality?” Not just daydreaming, wishfully thinking, or telling yourself you ‘should’, but genuinely, honestly willing to be that woman?
Are you willing to be juicy, confident, sensual, and sexual with the body you have today?
If you can answer “yes” I am over-the-moon for you! Great! Let’s get going!
If, like me, you find yourself hesitating, or maybe even answering “no”, you have just made a huge step forward! You’ve identified your resistance.
Please just sit with your answer for a while and, wherever you are, congratulate yourself on your willingness to be honest with yourself.
(You can read Part 2 of this series here)
It would be great if you would share your answer to the ‘willingness’ question in the comments box below! Your honesty will help others to find their own answers.